this is me trying

Welp, here we are again.

Hi friends, happy Monday. Happy August, happy summer.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve visited this corner of my own world. I’m pretty sure I said that last time I needed to disappear too, but look, we do our best here.

There’s been a lot of life happening for me these past few months. This year has been a rollercoaster for me and that is no exaggeration. I started 2023 with pretty big intentions and honestly, be careful what you wish for. Everything happened. All the things I wanted for myself for my 30th year. Well, kinda.

I wanted a new adult job with adult money and no financial stress. I didn’t want any stress in my relationship, in my home. I was craving consistency and simplicity. I wanted to rid my entire life of all my stresses.

A job fell right into my lap and it was an opportunity that I couldn’t pass up. More money and ten minutes from home. Weekend freedom and a solid schedule Monday to Friday. I started to feel more confident and like I was worth something. I felt like things were really starting to change for myself.

Fast forward to March. The end of the beginning and the beginning of many ends.

To keep a long, winding story short, my relationship ended. All five years turned to ash. All of me was broken and completely dried out. I ran out of all the things I kept giving. It’s really taken me until now to gather all my broken parts.

I packed, donated, and moved all my things. My entire life that I had collected for a good handful of years. Even though I had so many things to take with me on whatever path this is, I felt like I had nothing.

I’ve been in my new place since June and I feel like a visitor in this reality I’m stuck in. I adopted two new kittens, bought new plates, new sheets, and tried to forget what my life used to be. The family that felt like mine dissolved.

I won’t drag y’all into all the sad details of what it’s been like in this skin for the past six months. I’m doing better these days, I have been focusing on myself and doing whatever the fuck I want. Thinking and feeling whatever bubbles up to the surface.

So, here’s to being 30 and figuring it all out all over again. To starting over and becoming my own friend again, to doing whatever this life thing is.

Thank you for being along for this ride.

xx A